The Pot and the Kettle

The Pot and the Kettle

by Paul R. Hollrah

                                                                                                                                                   Scene:  The Presidential Palace, Kabul, Afghanistan, Monday, November 1, 2009

(President Hamid Karzai is seated lotus-style on his rug.  The red telephone rings.  Karzai frowns and picks up the receiver.)

Karzai:             Hello, Mr. President.  How is everything in Washington?

Obama:            Everything’s fine, Hamid.  I just wanted to call to congratulate you on your reelection victory.  Believe me, I know how comforting it is to run unopposed.  You may not know this but that’s how I won my first race for the state senate in Illinois.  I just had all of my primary opponents kicked off the ballot on technicalities.  They didn’t know what hit ‘em.

Karzai:             Very good, Mr. President.  You are a man after my own heart.

Obama:            But listen here, Hamid, I’ve got no time for small talk.  I’m trying to decide how many troops I’m going to have to send to save your sorry behind and you’re not helping much.

Karzai:             What do you mean, Mr. President?

Obama:            What I mean is that reports are circulating in the press that you stole the election.  I’m hearing reports that ballot counts from all over Afghanistan were strangely in even numbers.  In the Paktika province, for example, four of six polling stations turned in totals of 300, 250, 200, and 200 votes.  One report says there were probably more than 800 fake polling stations like that all over your country.

(The door to the Oval Office opens.  Rahm Emanuel enters and approaches Obama’s desk.)

Obama:            Hold the phone, Hamid.  I’ll be back in a minute.

(Obama turns to Emanuel)

Obama:            What’s up Rhambo?  I’m on the phone with Karzai.

Emanuel:         We have reports from New Jersey, Mr. President.  The mainstream media is all over the Corzine campaign.  A couple of years ago the Democrats in Trenton came up with this great idea for insuring the outcome of elections.  They allow anyone who wants to vote absentee to get an absentee ballot.  They don’t even have to give a reason why they can’t vote in person. 

And the new law allows third party messengers. Democrat volunteers can pick up the absentee ballots and deliver them to the county election board.  And when a messenger picks up a ballot with a Republican vote on it, he can just toss it in the trash.  The voter will never know his vote wasn’t counted.  Why didn’t we think of that in Chicago?

Obama:            So what’s the problem?

Emanuel:         Well, the system is perfect, but things are going wrong up there.  Word has gotten out that thousands of absentee ballots have signatures that don’t match signatures on the voter registration cards.  But worse, the media is reporting that Corzine and his people are putting together a “slush fund” of these absentee ballots that they can dump into the mix if Chris Christie pulls out a narrow victory.  

Obama:            Dammit, Rhambo!  We can’t afford to have Corzine lose that race.  How in the hell will that make me look?  I’ve practically lived in New Jersey for the last three weeks and it’s my butt that’s on the line.  You get on the phone with that s.o.b. and tell him that if he can’t steal that election I’ll send Valerie Jarrett up there to do it for him… and she might just kick his butt while she’s there. 

(Emanuel departs.  Obama puts the red receiver to his ear)

Obama:            Hamid!  I’m back.  Sorry for the interruption, but we have elections we’ve gotta’ win over here, too.  What I’m trying to say is that, if you don’t get a handle on the corruption over there, I’m gonna’ have one helluva’ tough time convincing Soros and the Daily Kos to let me send the troops that McChrystal wants… and he’s not a patient man.

                        Look!  When the polling station at Haji Nehmetullah House reports 725 votes cast, and you got every single one of them… and when you get all 400 of the votes cast at the Haji Akhtar Mohammad House… that looks a little fishy.  Do you see what I mean?  We wouldn’t even try that in Chicago.  We’d see to it that the other guy got at least a couple of votes.

Karzai:             Okay.  I see what you mean, Mr. President.  I’ll do my best.  And I hope you’ll be pleased with the outcome of the elections in your New Jersey and Virginia states.  I hope the voters there will give you everything you deserve.

Obama:            Thank you, Hamid.  Allah Achbar!

Karzai:             Allah Achbar, Mr. President.  And good luck!

To think that Barack Obama, the leader of the Democratic Party, the most corrupt political organization in Western history, would lecture the President of Afghanistan on the merits of clean government and honest elections is just… incomprehensible.  But is it possible for a man with Obama’s level of narcissism to recognize that, even for him, the end does not always justify the means?  Were it not for the inside-out, upside-down logic of it all, it would be comedic.  For example, where Karzai appears to favor even numbers, Obama appears to favor odd numbers.

During his 2008 election campaign, Obama was the beneficiary of millions of dollars in illegal contributions, most likely smuggled into the country as Swiss credit card receipts… from donor, or donors, unknown.  As of October 2008, Obama’s Federal Election Commission reports showed no fewer than 66,383 individual contributions, in odd amounts, from 37,265 donors. 

For example, FEC reports show that a man named John Atkinson, an insurance agent in Burr Ridge, Illinois, gave a total of $8,724.26… $4,124.26 over his legal limit.  He gave in odd amounts such as $188.67, $1,542.06, $876.09, $388.67, $282.20, $195.66, $118.15, and one of $2,300. 

Sandra Daneshinia, a self-employed caregiver of Los Angeles, made 36 separate contributions totaling $7,051.12… $2,451.12 over her legal limit.  Thirteen of her contributions were later refunded.  However, in an odd coincidence, those 13 refunds, in amounts such as $233.88 and $201.44, came to an even $2,300, the maximum amount allowable in any one election.

One contributor interviewed by Newsmax, Ronald J. Sharpe, Jr., a retired schoolteacher from Rockledge, Florida, is reported to have given $13,800… $9,200 over his limit.  However, when interviewed by Newsmax, Mr. Sharpe did not remember giving that much money to Obama.

These are obviously foreign currency conversions with the names, addresses, and occupations of $10 and $20 donors taken from the legal contributor lists and assigned to the illegal foreign contributions to mask their source… whoever or whatever that might be. 

In each and every election, Democrats are guilty of instances of fraud and intimidation far beyond anything experienced in Afghanistan.  If Obama were truly interested in the kind of open and honest government that he is trying to force on Hamid Karzai and the Afghans, he might first look to his own party.

The State of New Jersey, a state that has occupied so much of Obama’s time and attention in recent weeks, is a good example.  In September 2005, New Jersey Republicans announced the results of a study of voter registrations within the state.  They found that 55,000 people were registered in more than one jurisdiction, 5,950 people voted more than once in the previous election, and 5,000 registered voters were no longer alive.  Some 170,000 New Jersey residents were registered in more than one state and 6,500 of those voters had voted in two or more states in 2004.  Almost without exception, these are all fraudulent Democratic votes.

In 2000, a woman from Allentown, Pennsylvania visited her sister at a New Jersey mental health facility.  At some point during her visit her sister informed her, quite proudly, that New Jersey Democrats had delivered an absentee ballot to her room and that she had cast her vote for Al Gore.  The Allentown woman was astonished that Democrats would stoop so low as to comb the hallways of mental hospitals, scrounging for every last vote.  She said, “My God!  This is a woman who thinks that God tells her what brand of shampoo to use… and she decided to vote for Al Gore… all on her own?”

Yes, the Afghans, being a tribal culture, may have some difficulty with some of the concepts embodied in our advanced civilization.  So for Barack Obama to lecture them on honesty and integrity in politics and government is truly… the pot calling the kettle black.